I have directed this series at coaches. By and large, these tricks are best used against umpires in baseball where the participants are below age 16. For higher levels of ball, the umpires have more experience and are more difficult to manipulate. But I will close with an example from an NFHS (National Federation of High Schools, known throughout the U.S. as FED) game, a feat of master proportions accomplished by a coach who was able to pull it off only because Virginia does not allow protests.

For our overseas subscribers: FED ball is played by participants generally aged 16-18.

Background

Our hero, the coach, looked and acted the part of a redneck coach.

Umpires will think of him as a sleazeball, but I will call him the hero for purposes of this story. This article is, after all, directed at coaches, at least tongue-in-cheek.

Our hero was missing some teeth, had a beer belly, some face stubble, and all in all, did not appear too intelligent. In the high and mighty D.C. capital area of pampered government bureaucrats and six- figure lobbyists, he was definitely perceived as mentally and culturally inferior. The air of inferiority he projected was necessary to pull off this deception.

Continued...